


Candles

by Lamenta



Series: Lamenta's Tumblr Scribbles [6]
Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: Deep Roads, Established Relationship, Fluff, Grey Wardens, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Romance, The Calling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-16
Updated: 2015-11-16
Packaged: 2018-05-01 23:37:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5225546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lamenta/pseuds/Lamenta
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is actually a two-part-thing. The first (longer) part was written on a whim about Anders remembering those he held dear on the night of All Soul's Day. The second part was in response to the Prompt Submission by missingnolovefic for Fenders Appreciation Week: "Anders hears his calling and Fenris stays by his side, even as they face certain death in the Deep Roads."</p>
<p>There is obviously a huge time gap inbetween both parts. I've marked them with A and B. I gave this one the Character Death warning in any case tho :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Candles

A

A gentle spark of magic briefly illuminated the dark room, the sound of fingers snapping loud and harsh in the silence.  The candle flickered to life as it was carefully placed on the window sill, the dim light painting shadows on his angular face. His honey-colored eyes gleamed as he looked at his own, ghostly reflection in the dirty window.

The streets were mostly empty at this late hour. The public fires set up by the Chantry had died out by now. It had been years since Anders had given All Soul’s Day any thought and he couldn’t quite explained why he did this year in particular. As he’d trotted back to Kirkwall after a day spent on the Wounded Coast, tired and worn out as he followed Hawke, seeing the fires being lit unfurled a deep, long forgotten pain in his chest that kept from him sleeping.

Watching the candle’s flame flicker soothed away that pain. It would never leave completely, Anders knew, but it felt good spending tonight in remembrance, even though guilt had formed a hard lump in his throat that he felt unable to swallow past.

Slowly, Anders lowered himself to the floor and sat, cross-legged, ignoring the cold seeping through the thin fabrics of his sleeping pants. He kept his gaze on the candle when his shoulders slumped, words of sorrow forming on his tongue and resting heavily on it. There was so much to say, so much to ask forgiveness for but after years in which he’d swallowed them down, ignored them, it didn’t feel right to say them now. Not tonight. Maybe not ever.

The sound of naked feet padding over wooden floors distracted Anders from his thoughts, and he glanced to his left just in time to find Fenris sit down next to him. Moss-green eyes rested their gaze on him for a moment before Fenris turned his attention to the candle, regarding it curiously. Anders felt remorse that his restlessness had kept the elf awake as well, hoping his lover would find sleep if Anders left their bed. But, as usual, Anders had underestimated how much Fenris did care about him, even if the elf was not good at showing it. He should have expected Fenris to come look for him, if he didn’t return for a while.

One lyrium-lined hand gently grasped his shoulder and pulled. Anders followed the invitation easily, ignoring how uncomfortable the floor was as he lay down and rested his head in the elf’s lap. Slender fingers immediately burrowed in his hair, threading through long, blond strands, caressing over his scalp. Chasing away the dull remains of the pain inside the mage’s chest, putting him at ease. Anders exhaled slowly and relaxed his body as much as he could against the hard surface.

“No questions?“ Anders asked quietly. Fenris‘ hand stilled for a short moment, then continued petting the mage’s hair. Slowly, the fingers worked toward his cheek and Anders shivered at the first contact of calloused against soft skin.

“Right this moment, not too far from here, four candles are burning, one for each family member lost over the past years,” Fenris murmured. “For father, mother, brother and sister, even though it is unknown if the brother is dead or survived the Joining. There’s another candle lit in Lowtown, probably sitting on a desk filled with documents and maps, in remembrance of a brother who was considered a traitor, yet met with an end no one deserves.”

A fingertip ghosted over the corner of his mouth and Anders gave a contented sigh, eyes slipping closed.

“Something tells me there’s another candle lit, in the Alienage, in remembrance of someone considered to be a mother, a keeper, who gave her life protecting another of her kin.” Fenris glanced at Anders and sighed softly, caressing a fingertip over full, warm lips which parted slightly at the touch. “No, mage. I do not need to ask.”

Anders smiled and kissed the digit still resting against his lips. Fenris answered by cupping his cheek, thumb tracing the outline of one prominent cheekbone.

“But I will offer consolation, if you allow me.”

“I was not aware I am in need of consolation,” Anders replied quietly. “I don’t like to remember. I try to forget the things that are painful, and things that brought me joy so often get tinged with negative feelings and self-doubts that I am afraid to ruin them if I think of them too much.”

“Then why tonight?” Fenris asked.

“I don’t know. It was a feeling that took hold of me, the moment we stepped through the city’s gates and it wouldn’t let go.” Anders rubbed his face against Fenris’ thigh like an affection-seeking cat. “Maybe I finally feel strong enough to face the memories, good and bad alike. I have never really taken my time to mourn for Karl, refused to even. I realized how selfish that was, so I wasn’t able to rest until I’ve done this.”

“I am sure he understands.”

They fell silent and Fenris resumed petting Anders’ hair. It was something Fenris seemed to enjoy doing, and Anders hadn’t even known how much _he_ enjoyed having his hair pet and played with until Fenris had started doing so. He fell asleep this way often, with his head on Fenris’ chest, on the elf’s shoulder or in his lap and sure enough, after a while, Anders began to feel sleepy. With a low purr, he rubbed his cheek against Fenris’ thigh once again, one hand grabbing the elf’s knee, needing something to hold onto. Fenris’ free hand covered his and gingerly held it.

“Will you light one for me?” Anders asked. “When I receive my Calling and have to leave?” _Will you remember me?_ , was what the mage really wanted to ask. “I think I would like that. Knowing someone will think of me, even after I am long gone from this world.”

Agai

n, Fenris stilled and Anders could feel him tense. Strong hands moved, grabbing him by the shoulders and pulled. Anders let himself be pulled up, then closer, until he was burying his face against the elf’s neck and found himself enveloped in the elf’s arms. His own arms wrapped around Fenris’ middle.

“I will make sure someone lights two candles every year on this day,” Fenris told him, “one for you, one for me. Because you will not go without me, when the time comes, mage.”

“Did you just promise me _forever_ , elf?”

Fenris huffed. “You blather an awful lot, and I will say that your obsession with cats is bordering on unhealthy. You are possessed by a Fade spirit whose motives I dare question, although we seem to have come to an agreement, concerning your well-being. You’re an apostate and fighting for something I admit still makes me uneasy, but I did learn that not every mage is an actual threat. You are hunted by the Chantry, possibly the Grey Wardens, too, and you keep getting yourself into trouble constantly. You put the need of others before yours, even when you shouldn’t.” The elf lowered his head enough to touch his lips to the mage’s forehead. “And yet, I know I do not want to miss a single moment of the insanity that comes being with you, nor any opportunity to figure out the enigma that is you, Anders.”

Anders snuggled closer. “Forever then,” he murmured and Fenris chuckled.

“Forever.”

 

~*~

 

B

Leaning heavily on his staff, his other hand clutching at the gash in his left side, Anders forced himself to open his eyes and look ahead. The flash of blue in the dark, accompanied by a snarl made him smile as blood and gore dripped from his chin and for a moment, he was able to forget about the soreness of his body, the tiredness that was getting stronger with each passing day.

A hurlock’s body heavily dropped to the ground and it was silent again, save for his shaky exhales and the harsh panting from Fenris, who was now leaning heavily on his broadsword as he tried to catch his breath.

“We got much further than I had originally expected,” Anders rasped.

“So you keep saying, each time we manage to take down a group of Darkspawn,” Fenris pointed out breahtlessly. Anders couldn’t see it in the dark, but he certainly heard the smirk the elf wore on his lips.

“The exit is still within reach.”

Fenris huffed at the words and straightened his back, the glow of his lyrium markings dying down completely. “You can keep saying that all you want, mage. I will continue to ignore the implication.”

Anders gave a half-hearted laugh and finally gave into his exhaustion, his body lowering to the ground even as he stubbornly held on to his staff. Fenris was at his side within a moment and knelt down, one blood-stained hand gently cupping the mage’s cheek. Anders leaned into the touch and smiled when he felt fingers pull back a strand of blond hair, now lined with silver. Years ago, Anders wouldn’t have imagined he’d ever watch himself turn old and grey. He’d had made it longer than most Grey Wardens and that in itself was an achievement.

Anders liked to believe Fenris was the reason for it.

Honey-colored eyes slipped closed and Anders allowed himself to slump against the elf’s strong body. “To be honest,” he murmured, “I don’t think I can take another step, love.”

“Then we won’t,” Fenris replied easily and Anders could feel him shift until he was seated on the ground, rather than kneeling. The broadsword was dropped and lithe arms wrapped tightly around him. Anders gave a shaky sigh and enjoyed the comfort of the elf’s embrace.

“More Darkspawn will find us,” he pointed out tiredly. “I…don’t think I can keep fighting.”

Fenris huffed and grabbed the mage’s chin, forcing him to lift his head. Anders hummed approvingly when dry lips met his for a gentle kiss that lasted for minutes before the elf pulled back eventually. Anders opened his eyes when the lyrium brands flared to life once again, allowing him to gaze into Fenris’ moss green eyes that returned the gaze with sincerity.

“So let them come.”


End file.
